Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
