im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
