well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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