I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
