i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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