so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
