4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
