remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
