pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
