Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize
