he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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