so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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