its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
