I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
