Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize