After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
