grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
