I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize