You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
