I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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