Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
