this beer tastes like vomit already
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Dicks are not precious.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
