she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
