OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I made him laugh his dick is mine
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
