At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Randomize
