Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I need to calm my uterus...
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
