Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Girls should come with a carfax report
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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