Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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