she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
