this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
