I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
