Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
