just tell him i said nine months
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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