Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
