So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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