the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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