i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
my shit smells like andre
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
