so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
You're a waste of cheezeits
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
