I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
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