Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
