Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
