How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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