it wasn't lemon gatorade
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
