oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
