remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
