It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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