Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
