I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Can Purell be used as lube?
I could make wine with my vomit
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
