I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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