I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
