Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
