Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
He did a backflip because drugs
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