I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
