I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
