Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
