You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
