So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Congratulations! We have a period
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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