at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
