I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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