he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
