No awkward lesbian experiences without me
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
