sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Randomize
