he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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