just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Randomize
