White coat. Heels.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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