Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
