found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
