i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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