I'm drive I can fine osifer
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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