covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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